Reflections by the Pool

Last night I took Olivia to the healthclub so she could swim in the pool.  I stopped at Barnes & Noble on the way and picked up one of my favorite art magazines to read while I lounge comfortably on a poolside chair.  Olivia couldn't get in the water fast enough; she had already stripped down to her suite and jumped in while I was still trying to decide on the perfect chair.  It was a gorgeous evening, with a light summer breeze and a slightly cooler temperature that gently reminded me that the suumer was quickly passing.
As I started to page through the magazine, Olivia flew by me, lightning fast, and following about three yards behind her, a little girl I didn't know.  They were heading up the stairs to the super-fast water slide.  I watched the muscles flex in Olivia's little body, she moved like a trained athlete with the grace of a gazelle as she flew up the stairs.  When she hit the top she bounced up and down waving wildly to her little friend, "Come on, hurry!"   When the little girl got to the top they grabbed hands and ran to the end of the line.  I enjoyed watching their little bodies fly down the slide and hit the water with a tremendous splash, as if they were by nature a part of the waves.  They were giggly, wiggly, carefree little girls just having a blast. 

About a half hour later the little girl's parent's gathered up their things and the girls waved good bye to each other as the family left the pool. Olivia was now solo in the water.  I waved wildly to get her attention and then yelled over, "How'ya doing Jelly-Bean?"  She smiled and gave me a thumbs-up and dove under water to the other side of the pool.  I went back to my magazine and after a few minutes looked out over the water to see what she was up to.  She was moving about in the water in between two separate groups of kids, neither of which were really paying any attention to her. 

It left me feeling a little uneasy because it was obvious she was trying to get involved with them but they were either not noticing or just weren't interested.  In my heart I envisioned her feeling rejected and coming out of the water sad and disappointed, but I didn't move towards her I just sat and watched.  After awhile I became very present to the manner in which she moved.  She was strategic and skillful; she looked more like an adult working a crowd than a little 5 year old looking for a play date.  She'd casually move towards one of the groups, smiling, and trying to make eye contact.  A moment later, she'd skillfully swim like a dolphin to the other group. 

Eventually she approached a little boy as he was climbing out of the pool via the ladder; I think she had played with on another occasion.  I was too far away to actually hear the exchanged dialogue but whatever he said to her, elicited a response of disgust as her face scrunched up and there was an obvious "humpf" from her as her head flipped back and she turned and went in the other direction. Without missing a beat, she was back to the little dolphin swimming between the rest.   A few minutes later one of the kid's balls got hit out of the pool, she jumped out of the water and retrieved the ball and they immediately included her in the game.  She played as if she had received a formal VIP invitation. 

The magazine I was reading is about art journaling; a free flowing creative way to document life's spaces.  The key is to create without critiquing the work.  One of the featured artists journal pages included a quote by William James, " Each of us literally chooses, by the way of attendding to things, what sort of universe he shall appear to himself to inhabit". When I read this by the pool, watching my beautiful and graceful daughter moving about her world, I was so grateful to be a part of it. I also became aware of the self-imposed stops I have been making with my own creativity.  Although I am very good with color, and textures, I do not draw well so I often stop the piece or find myself hesitating to continue building upon it as I might "mess up" the part I created and like.  In my head the art flows and the colors swoosh but in reality I spend more time touching my beautiful papers, collecting ribbons, beads, paint, inks etc., than I acutally do creating.    I am going to ask Olivia to come into the art studio and paint with me. Only this time, I am going to do it like she does; with my fingers on a great big piece of shiny white paper. Then when we are done, we'll hang them up all over the walls.

I learn so much about myself and the world through my daughter and her little friends when I take the time to sit and really be present with them.  I too often lose sight of my most precious gifts; creativity and true self.  I get tangled in the mess of I'm supposed to be and It's supposed to be... Then when it's not, what am I supposed to?  Sitting by the pool, I realized the beauty of just being in the moment of what is, without all the other stuff that slows down and clutters my true spirit and the universe I choose to inhabit.  Through awareness, acceptance and creativity I will create my own unique universe.